Twelve moves and a win for Jeff
Jeff made twelve roster moves in Week 5. He added Jameis Winston, dropped him the next morning for Courtland Sutton, and re-added Winston 13 minutes later. He swapped a defense that scored 20 for one that scored 15. He swapped a tight end who scored 13.3 for one who scored 1.7, in the same minute. Then Drake Maye scored 39.46, Winston scored 25.74, and Jeff beat first-place Corey by 12.38. Nobody understands the island.
It was the highest-scoring week of the season. Teams averaged 149.32. Zach led everyone with 181.10 and moved into first place. Kevin scored 96.00, the lowest of the week, because Kansas City and Carolina were both on bye. That took out both of his quarterbacks. His kicker was his best player.
In the NFL, the Giants and Commanders tied 27-27, and that game alone fed four of you. Jayden Daniels came back from his elbow injury with two rushing touchdowns. Marvin Harrison Jr. was traded to Houston. Jordan Love posted a career-high passer rating on Tristan's bench. After five weeks, five teams are 3-2 and five are 2-3.
Scoreboard 5 games · tap a stat for the chart
The island wins again
Jeffstein IslandJeff · 3-2
171.10
Ayatollah Ka’imiCorey · 3-2
158.72
Drake Maye threw four touchdowns and ran for another in New England's 45-17 win, good for 39.46, the best game in the league. Malik Nabers caught 11 passes for 121 yards and a score in the Giants' tie, good for 29.1. Jameis Winston led the comeback in that game for 25.74. Jeff dropped Winston Thursday morning and re-added him 13 minutes later. He left 1.0 on the bench. Twelve moves, 171.10 points. Who are we to argue?
Corey lost with a winning lineup on his bench. He started Bo Nix (7.92) and benched C.J. Stroud (20.94). In Week 3 he did the opposite and was wrong then too. Christian Watson caught two long touchdowns for 32.3, and Ka'imi Fairbairn kicked for 17.0. Corey has now left 86.64 on his bench this season.
Two in a row
Sloppy SteaksChris · 2-3
176.18
Gibb It To Me BabyJohn · 2-3
150.76
Chris has won two straight. Puka Nacua scored 37.7, Jacoby Brissett 26.28, Brock Bowers 23.0 and Matthew Golden 20.3. His WR and TE group scored 99.80, the most in the league this week. The Steaks are 2-3 and suddenly look less sloppy.
John got 37.7 from Jahmyr Gibbs, who ran for 151 yards and two scores. Mike Evans added 26.3, including the game-winning touchdown against Seattle. John grabbed Deshaun Watson Saturday to fill in for Caleb Williams. Watson was sacked eight times and scored 12.2. Blake Corum's 16.2 sat on the bench.
Zach vs. the team named after Zach
Just Joshin’ YaZach · 3-2
181.10
Zach & Dan’s Sex SnuggieJared · 3-2
137.38
Zach beat the team Jared named after him and Dan by 43.72. Isaiah Likely, the tight end Corey cut in Week 3, caught 11 passes for 94 yards and two touchdowns for 32.4. Josh Allen added 31.5. Parker Washington caught a one-handed touchdown and another long one for 30.4. Zach scored 181.10, the week's best, and is in first place.
Jared left 26.22 on his bench, the most of the week. Garrett Wilson (23.4) and Kyler Murray (18.26) sat while Tyler Shough threw two interceptions and scored 1.84. Zach & Dan’s Sex Snuggie lost to Zach. Jared, you named your team after this man.
Started zero quarterbacks who played
GrantCarawayGrant · 2-3
142.86
CeeDanzNutz69Kevin · 2-3
96.00
Kevin scored 96.00, the lowest of the week. Patrick Mahomes and Bryce Young were both on bye. Kevin picked up Cam Ward on Wednesday and got 6.0. His quarterbacks scored 6.00, the fewest by any team this season. His best player was his kicker, Jason Myers, with 23.0. Jaxon Smith-Njigba dropped a late catch that could have set up a tying field goal. CeeDanzNutz69 had nothing.
Grant set a perfect lineup and won by 46.86. Bucky Irving scored 31.5, Matthew Stafford 27.32 and Trevor Lawrence 22.74. Grant's two QBs combined for 50.06. Kevin's combined for 6.0.
Blowout of the week
Gonna TetTee fuck TristanDan · 2-3
167.06
troth19Tristan · 3-2
112.04
Dan won by 55.02. Jaylen Warren scored on an 80-yard catch and a 50-yard run, finishing with 36.8. Jayden Daniels came back from his elbow injury with 109 rushing yards and two touchdowns for 32.26. Aaron Rodgers, picked up Wednesday, threw three touchdowns for 22.0. Dan has won two straight, and Gonna TetTee fuck Tristan came true. The name is now 2-3 on the season. Next up: Jeff.
Tristan has lost two straight. He benched Jordan Love, who posted a career-high passer rating in a 31-7 win over Chicago and scored 25.28. Tristan started Kirk Cousins instead, who scored 13.72. Tristan claimed Cousins off Jeff's scrap heap. Some players are cursed.
The breakdown week 5 + season
Points scored vs. points left on the bench
Each team's actual score plus the points its best lineup would have added. Corey is the only loser whose best lineup wins. Grant set a perfect lineup, and Jeff came close.
ScoredLeft on bench
Just Joshin’ Ya
181.10 +15.60
Sloppy Steaks
176.18 +8.40
Gonna TetTee fuck Tristan
167.06 +14.90
Gibb It To Me Baby
150.76 +23.00
Jeffstein Island
171.10 +1.00
Ayatollah Ka’imiBest lineup wins
158.72 +13.02
Zach & Dan’s Sex Snuggie
137.38 +26.22
CeeDanzNutz69
96.00 +15.00
Where the points came from
Week 5 starter points by position group. Jeff's QBs scored 65.20. Kevin's scored 6.00, with both of his starters on bye. Chris got 99.80 from WR and TE.
QBRBWR/TEK/DEF
Gonna TetTee fuck Tristan
167.06
Zach & Dan’s Sex Snuggie
137.38
Every week this season, by team
The orange dot is Week 5, and the dashed line is this week's league average of 149.32, the highest of the season. Jeff, Chris and Grant posted their season highs. Tristan and Kevin posted their season lows.
Earlier weeksWeek 5
Gonna TetTee fuck Tristan
Luck: actual wins minus expected wins
Jeff is 3-2 with the fewest points in the league. His luck number is +1.44, the highest by far. Kevin is 2-3 with the fourth-most points.
Zach & Dan’s Sex Snuggie
+0.22
Gonna TetTee fuck Tristan
-0.33
Season bench of shame
Total points left on the bench through five weeks. Jeff (102.90) and Jared (99.30) lead. Zach has left the least, 45.10, and he's in first place. Not a coincidence.
Zach & Dan’s Sex Snuggie
99.30
Gonna TetTee fuck Tristan
65.14
Week 5 awards
Player of the weekDrake Maye · 39.46Jeffstein Island (Jeff). Five total touchdowns in a 45-17 win.
Twelve movesJeffstein IslandJeff dropped and re-added Jameis Winston in 13 minutes. Winston scored 25.74. Jeff won.
Kicker carriedCeeDanzNutz69Kevin's best player was Jason Myers (23.0). His QBs scored 6.0.
Perfect lineupGrantCarawayGrant started his best possible lineup and won by 46.86.
Benched the wrong QBtroth19Tristan sat Jordan Love (25.28) and started Kirk Cousins (13.72).
Named after the winnerZach & Dan’s Sex SnuggieJared lost to Zach by 43.72.
Week highJust Joshin’ Ya · 181.10Zach is in first place.
Waiver wire report week 5
Missed adds
A missed add only counts if, over the weeks before, the free agent had averaged at least as much as the starter he'd have replaced, and Sleeper projected him at least as high that week. Hindsight doesn't count.
Nobody qualifies. Tyler Huntley (24.04) had played one game. DeMario Douglas (22.5) had averaged 4.30. Pat Freiermuth (21.5) had averaged 9.70. Dan grabbed Freiermuth afterward.
Waiver winners
Gonna TetTee fuck Tristan · DanSwapped Geno Smith (9.98) for Aaron Rodgers (22.0) on Wednesday.
Sloppy Steaks · ChrisSwapped Woody Marks (12.5) for Ollie Gordon (14.8) and Buffalo's defense (2.0) for Cincinnati's (10.0).
Jeffstein Island · JeffJameis Winston scored 25.74 after Jeff dropped him and took him back. Jeff gets credit for the take-back.
Waiver losers
Jeffstein Island · JeffAlso swapped San Francisco's defense (20.0) for Denver's (15.0) and Tyler Higbee (13.3) for T.J. Hockenson (1.7). Twelve moves cut both ways.
Gonna TetTee fuck Tristan · DanSwapped Green Bay's defense (20.0) for Washington's (9.0).
CeeDanzNutz69 · KevinNeeded a QB with both starters on bye. Picked Cam Ward, who scored 6.0.
Grab these before Week 6
Tyler HuntleyAdj 12.76
QB · BALWk 6 vs CLE
Neutral matchupCLE allows the 15th-most points to QBs (17.5 a game)
Sleeper proj 12.82Matchup-adjusted 12.76
Zach grabbed him Saturday and got 13.4 in Week 6.
Pat FreiermuthAdj 9.35
TE · PITWk 6 vs TB
Neutral matchupTB allows the 13th-most points to TEs (15.7 a game)
Sleeper proj 8.83Matchup-adjusted 9.35
Dan grabbed him, then dropped him Sunday morning for Juwan Johnson. Freiermuth scored 3.1, and Johnson scored 0.0.
GB D/STAdj 4.57
DEF · GBWk 6 vs DAL
Brutal matchupDAL allows the 4th-fewest points to defenses (3.6 a game)
Sleeper proj 5.99Matchup-adjusted 4.57
Dan had just dropped them. They scored 9.0 in Week 6.
DeMario DouglasAdj 4.01
WR · NEWk 6 vs NYJ
Tough matchupNYJ allows the 10th-fewest points to WRs (28.5 a game)
Sleeper proj 4.25Matchup-adjusted 4.01
Nobody grabbed him. He scored 19.6 in Week 6, which nobody could have predicted.